


I missed you (fuck, what happened)

by flowersandfairylights



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol, Angst, Cigarettes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentioned Boo Seungkwan, Mentioned Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups, Mentioned Kim Mingyu, Mentioned Lee Seokmin | DK, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Short One Shot, Smoking, mentions of other members - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27658396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersandfairylights/pseuds/flowersandfairylights
Summary: Jeonghan was sitting on the balcony, legs just off the edge, with a bottle of soju in his right hand and a lit cigarette in his left.He was tired, he was spent, he didn't know what he wanted to do. Everything became darker, slowly a grey cloud hung over his thoughts. Everything seemed hazy and far away.He took another drag from the cigarette before he heard the slide door open slightly."Am I really a shitty person Jisoo?" Jeonghan asked, eyes red from crying and words slightly slurred because he was tipsy, just on the brink of being drunk. He wanted to forget, to forgive, but he couldn't.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Kudos: 30





	I missed you (fuck, what happened)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is just a little drabble I wrote and started writing it at 3am.
> 
> TW for mentions of abuse/past abuse

Jeonghan was sitting on the balcony, legs just off the edge, with a bottle of soju in his right hand and a lit cigarette in his left.

He was tired, he was spent, he didn't know what he wanted to do. Everything became darker, slowly a grey cloud hung over his thoughts. Everything seemed hazy and far away.

He took another drag from the cigarette before he heard the slide door open slightly.

"Am I really a shitty person Jisoo?" Jeonghan asked, eyes red from crying and words slightly slurred because he was tipsy, just on the brink of being drunk. He wanted to forget, to forgive, but he couldn't. 

"Am I that flawed?"

Jisoo's eyes filled with tears but he did his best to hold them in. He walked up to Jeonghan and slowly pulled the bottle of soju from his hands. Then he slowly pulled the cigarette out of his other and took a drag before putting it out on the ground and discarding it in the ashtray. He continued to slowly place his hands on Jeonghan's cheeks before he placed the others head on his shoulder, arms falling around his back.

The distant noise of some late night traffic and drunken screams echoed between the tall buildings in the background. The wind blew and the rain fell softly.

"Oh Hannie." Jisoo sighed before softly rubbing circles on his back. "Nothing was your fault. You still have me, I'm here."

Jisoo was pondering what that asshole could've done to Jeonghan to wreck him. He had a bunch about how manipulative the other's boyfriend was but seeing Jeonghan so broken gave him the insight that it might've even been worse. 

“focus on my breathing Hannie, in and out slowly. You’re here, you’re with me. I love you okay? I know I am not the only one. You have Cheollie and Kwannie, Seokminnie and many more.” Jisoo tried to keep the amount of emotions he felt out of his voice but he failed miserably.  
“I’ve been neglecting them Shua, I haven’t seen them in months because of that asshole, but I still love him. I don’t even _fucking_ know why I still do. I can’t believe I let myself go like this. It is my fault. I am the one causing pain, I walked away, I am _wrong_.”

Jisoo roughly pulled Jeonghan up and faced him, grabbing his face between two hands. The tears were streaming down both of their faces, Jisoo not being able to control himself anymore. A loud sob left his mouth as he faced Jeonghan. He tried to speak but it was broken and utterly honest and genuine.

“Hannie, Yoon Jeonghan.” He started. “Open your eyes an-and look at me. F-fucking look at me.” His anger about the situation started showing. Jeonghan looked up quickly. Jisoo barely cursed, especially around Jeonghan. Jisoo sobbed even harder.

“This is _not_ your fault. I know you. We’ve been friends for years. That- that asshole deserves no pity or respect. Fuck, if he is the one making you think it’s your fault- You’re wrong. So, so wrong. This situation isn’t your fault. He broke you, he abused you Jeonghan.” Jisoo was so frustrated he could barely form a sentence. Yet his words seemed to clear Jeonghan’s mind a little. “I don’t even know what to say, I can barely comprehend how he would treat you the way he did. I’m sad I can’t tell you what I feel right now, that I can’t calm you. Jeonghan, fuck, I love you so much. I want you to be okay. I wish you the best-”

Jisoo got shut up by a pair of lips on his. Momentarily lost in the moment Jisoo let himself go before realising what had happened. He pushed Jeonghan away softly.

Jeonghan looked a little nervous.

“Now is not the time Hannie. You’re drunk and full of emotions. You’re heartbroken.”  
“I didn’t have any other option Shua, you didn’t stop talking.” Jeonghan smiled brokenly, grabbing the bottle of soju that was standing besides them and taking a big chug. Not long after he grabbed the packet of cigarettes and lit one, offering it to Jisoo.

Silence hung over them, the cigarette passing between the two once every few drags. As the night became later and later the sound of the city seemed to calm down a little as well. Jeonghan smiled softly at the view besides him, his best friend curled up on himself as the smoke escaped his lips, the soft moving of his chest and his cheeks and nose red because of the chilly summer night.

Eventually Jeonghan felt his heart swell with pain and guilt and couldn’t take it anymore. He looked away and tried to clear his thoughts. He put the soju bottle down and pulled the almost fully burned cigarette from between Jisoo’s lips, the action almost losing it’s innocent intention as Jeonghan's finger brushed Jisoo’s upper lip. Jisoo smiled a little.

Jeonghan put the cigarette out in the ashtray and stood up, grabbing Jisoo’s hand and pulling him along, back inside. He closed the slide door before facing Jisoo who didn’t move at all, just observing the other in the dark. His hair was slightly damp because of the light rain and both their cheeks were pink from the cold.

“Hannie.”   
“Yes, Shua?”   
“Hannie.” Jisoo repeated, sounding a little breathless.  
“Shua? Is everything okay?”   
“I’m just glad that you are back, you’re actually here and I-” Jisoo trails off as he fumbles with his hands, gaze downwards. “-I thought I was dreaming again, I was so afraid I had lost you again once I woke up.” 

The situation had taken a toll on the both of them. Jeonghan was mentally broken and Jisoo could see it, but Jisoo himself wasn’t in the right state of mind either. He thought he had lost his best friend to some asshole that didn’t treat him right. Jisoo didn’t have any experience with abuse and it was hard because he felt completely helpless in the situation. He wanted to be the support Jeonghan needed but he didn’t want to break or force the longhaired boy as well. The telltale signs of emotional abuse were obvious early on and Jisoo later felt bad for not recognizing it earlier. Later came a night where Jeonghan was crying and screaming in his room. Jisoo just pulled the other as close as possible and coaxed him back to sleep. From what a sleepdrunk Jeonghan had mumbled sexual abuse was another thing added to the chaos.

While Jeonghan became more dependent on his boyfriend and Jisoo started losing himself and developed amnesia the two had significantly changed along with their mental states. That’s why this moment was so weird, so surreal. Both couldn’t place it, they also couldn’t place the actions they took. For now sleep seemed the best option, to just stop thinking and take a long rest.

As Jisoo pulled Jeonghan to his room to cuddle and sleep he was thinking about how much they needed to talk everything out and find all the help they could. He had shot a short text to Seungcheol to ask for some advice just before he drifted off to sleep besides Jeonghan. They both had a long road of recovery in front of them. 

The next day Jeonghan awoke with a pounding headache. He was completely disoriented with his surroundings. He snuggled closer to the body in front of him, he felt safe which was for the first time in seven months. 

“Goodmorning Hannie.” Jisoo whispered, pulling the older closer on instinct.  
“Morning Shua.”   
“Can you remember anything from last night?” Jisoo slowly asked, voice still soft, not accusing but with genuine interest.

As Jeonghan became more aware of his surroundings, memories of yesterday flooded his mind. With them came tears Jisoo was quick to dry with the sleeves of his hoodie.

“Oh Hannie, it’s okay.” 

…

“I kissed you.” Jeonghan suddenly gasped as he sat upright. “Oh my god Shua, I am so sorry.” 

“It’s fine. Yesterday was weird anyway. I don’t want to let things get awkward. I still mean it, I want to help you.” Before Jeonghan can talk Jisoo starts again. “And we won't let it hang around us, we won’t forget about it but we will _talk_ . Also Cheol is coming over later. He missed you.”   
“I’m still so-”   
“There’s no need to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

As a form of reassurance Jisoo softly says ‘hannie’ before carding a hand through the other’s hair and giving him a kiss on the forehead. He wanted to reassure Jeonghan that they were okay, that it was okay. And it seemed to work.

This process of slight and easy reassurance seemed to do wonders for Jeonghan, and as the old and confident Jeonghan came back step by step, so did the old Jisoo. Their friends helped a lot and missed them. Seokmin always coming over and pulling them to the couch with snacks and blankets and a film, snuggling between the two, Seungcheol making sure they did enough fun things and he often pulled them out to a restaurant, Mingyu cooking for them so he would know they would eat healthy, their friends had their own ways of showing their support and concern. They always had a shoulder to cry on, the both of them. And they had each other.

Two years later the best friends, or should I say, boyfriends, were happily smiling in a picture of their friend group. 13 individuals who had found each other, 13 individuals who were willing to die for one another. And well… if they happened to stumble across Jeonghan’s ex one time and Seungcheol punched him a broken jaw then that is their business and no one else's.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> twt; @StarryNonnie


End file.
